School, birthday, life

Where to begin in last month or so…

Well school is in effect.. Zeq goes to in person Tues and Thurs. M,W,F are virtual days. Friday is a little different he has all 8 classes each Friday instead of the normal 4. It has taken some adjusting for sure. Not sure what will happen after this 9 weeks which ends on Nov 2nd. If they will stay how they are or if it will transition to more days in class or not. So we shall see.

He has turned 16!! Hard to believe. For his birthday he really didn’t ask for much.  He had ask for a vacuum wireless keyboard and headset. We built him a custom desk/table.. that houses all his tvs, games, etc. As well as turned his closet into a stocked pantry.  He seemed to like it. On his actual bday we took him to all the “antique” shops.. aka goodwill, the ranch… and he proceeded to buy the most fake flowers ever. He also bought a watch and a game for his Xbox.  Overall I’d say he had a successful birthday.

Personalities have had their time recently.  We have had crying, yelling, throwing, you name it. We have had the toddler, and John, and Jeffrey. Nothing new there. We are entering the bad time of year. Every year between now and January things can go from. 0 to 7 million in a blink of an eye. Its been this way forever. So we are prepared.  Whether it is upcoming holidays that excite the toddler, the darkness of the season that brings out John, the stimulation from lights, people, and elves. It has always been that way and we will get through it.

Our food choices are the normal spaghetti, turkey meals, we eat captain crunch every morning. New things are vanilla creme cookies, ham lunchables, 1/2 gallons of chocolate milk(no more no less) and chicken nuggets…remember few months back when I gave him chicken?!?! Now he eats chicken nuggets.  He ask the other day about eating ramen… he hasn’t said anything more about it though.

Thats been our month or more. Still sailing on this unknown voyage thats called life, with viruses, masks, school, no school. We will get through it.

We will do as we always do and venture on our journey.

Onward and upward

Remotely…doing everything

Happy first day of Fall!

What have we been up to? Lots.. we have new season, new school, new routine, new foods, new beverages, new experiences…

Well we are schooling remotely… sounds fun, sounds great… well sounding someway, is completely different than being that way. Zeq has started his 10th grade remotely. We are hopeful to go back “blended” sooner than later. He would like to see his friend.

Remote schooling… you think ooooh probably much easier.. well you thought wrong. 3 kids needing to be logged in learning just as they would in school. Their teachers are there teaching. We are in the routine somewhat. But just like this virus that has caused this it is ever changing. So we are adapting as well as we can.

He has his normal classes and all his ieps are in place. He started film class, which I am super excited for… him not so much. But after watching the first movie Magnificent seven.. he has decided that it is ok class for now.

Our foods in past few weeks have changed.. we now eat captain crunch cereal for breakfast, pizza lunchables, and snack of choice is now buggles. First day of fall brings the return of coffee… lots of coffee he now likes. I’m sure sooner than later we will hit the hot chocolate phase. I actually saw it in the store the other day and thought to myself… soon enough soon enough..

The last few weeks with all of the changes. Personalities have flared up. School starting has brought back the favorite toddler..not that he has ever left, but he seemed to not appear as much. We have had grumpy John lately..a lot… with his ocd that takes over. We have had many tears, lots of yelling, mixed with some meltdowns.

Its nothing new for us. We pick ourselves up and do our best. I wish things and life were easier for Zeq. I wish he could see his friend, and not have to wear a mask. I wish health class was more fun for him. But we do the best we can with what we have. For now ill make pots of coffee and buy the movies he needs for his classes.

Next month is coming fast and he will be 16!! 16!!??!! Where has time went. He is debating on the perfect thing to ask for. He wants a vacuum cleaner pretty bad and wireless i think those are at the top of the list atleast for today.

Everyday is a new day, just like today is a new season.. enjoy the change, the newness of it, the crispness..

We will do as we always do

Onward and upward

You name it…

You name it we have probably done it the past few weeks.

Blood work- yep did that, during a pandemic, with no restaurants open, masks on, doctors offices closed to outside people. Yep we did it. It wasn’t pretty. I had an almost 16 year old sit on my lap while I covered his eyes all the while he was wearing a mask! But we got through it. Only cost me $10. Well worth it. Should be up to date for another year atleast.

Let’s see what else have we endured. We have endured meltdowns for sure. Personalities coming and going like the wind.

The other day he wanted to watch a TV show(rare that he asks but theres a few he likes) I said ok, I go upstairs and he tells me the show… beyond scared straight. Huh? I wasn’t confused about the show because I know he likes it. I was more confused because over a month ago I set it up on his TV to watch. He watched all the episodes. I said what episode are you on buddy so I can start it. He looks at me and says number 1 I haven’t ever watched it?!?! Well alright then. I set him up and we went about our day.

We are so used to changing of personalities that mainly doesn’t even faze us anymore. But sometimes it catches me off guard. Like with the tv show, or the random middle of the night cleaning of his room(so he’s not a hoarder?!?!)

We have had a few nights of sleep walking, now back when he was little he slept walked every night, as well as night terrors. He occasionally will do it. Not often. But recently he has been, but never leaves his room, but will put towels, or paper sporadically places. Next morning has no idea why its there. Sometimes he even gets very angry.

What else is on our list.. well the normal changing of foods. This is something that is night and day. It can last weeks, sometimes months. But we usually are prepared and equipped mostly….

Well the choice of foods are the basics mostly.. chocolate fudge poptarts, lunch is a bowl of pepperoni and 2 cheesesticks, we have added pizza combos, back on pretzels, and now lays stacks cheddar ones. He threw me off the other day we made breakfast for dinner. I always make more French toast than pancakes because only Rylee eats pancakes. Well i was making his plate and he says I want pancakes, like I always have?!?! This threw me way off. Because he doesn’t ever pick pancakes, let alone plain pancakes..if he eats them its with chocolate chips.. not this time.

Sometimes when personalities change I dont notice them right off until he talks for a few minutes, asks for something off the wall, or until its too late.

The future is unknown at this point, so it doesn’t help. I think it pushes them out even more. School is a big topic everyday.. he doesn’t understand. He wants to know if always have to wear mask, if we are having open house to know where his classes are. These are questions I dont have answers for.

Some people may not agree with the choices of going back to school. I didnt make the choice lightly. He will be going back to blended(in school and remote.) It is what is best for our family, for him. His classes are already small to begin with.

As for now we will face each day like we have been. Somedays there is no answers to the questions. Somedays there are. We will do everyday like we always do.

Find your reason to smile today!

As always

Onward and upward

Winner winner chicken dinner…

Or not..

Let’s say remember that chicken he wanted in the last blog post?!.. well last week I was like ok.. I’ll make it.

All seemed ok at first. Gave him small amount of mashed potatoes and more chicken. Seemed ok.

Then went downhill from there. He hates chicken.. he didnt ask for it.. i wanted him to choke on dry chicken..

Needless to say wasn’t Zeq. His voice was dramatically different. Things escalated from there. Punching the microwave because it was the microwaves fault that the chicken was dry. It was made on the stove.

Threw the plate, not once, not twice but three times. Each time in between he picked up the chicken and put it back on the plate. So deep down believe it was more than one personality. One being mad.. then the ocd clean one and so on.

This went on for over an hour. He then comes down and get tea, he starts crying saying was sorry.

Definitely not new, but that hasn’t happened for a hot minute. But since that day. Foods have changed yet again. He now eats chocolate fudge poptarts. No cookies, but now yellow cupcakes with no icing.

That is how quickly foods change, how quickly dynamic changes. There is no rhyme or rhythm to it. It just happens.

We pick up and go about the day. We clean up food off floors, we dry crying eyes and do our best.

Each day us a new day, nothing is a given. We take it as it comes. We will continue on everyday

We will do as we always do.

Onward and upward

Enter turkey and pepperoni

Just as it says..

We are back to frozen turkey meals… when I say it I mean it. Family size just turkey slices. He eats the entire thing by himself.

Then there’s pepperoni… we no longer eat ham… or biscuits…or saltines but now bowl of pepperoni and doritos for lunch.

I know reading this you probably think I am worse parent ever because that’s what I feed him. Maybe I am. But over last almost 16 years I have learned many things. Many things about him,  about autism, about multiple personalities… if he or they want to eat pepperoni.. you let them.

Because fighting with him about putting it on bread and make a sandwhich is pointless. Just makes sure he has enough to fill him up.

Getting his vegetables a day is hard. But it is hidden in spaghetti sauce which he has always requested to eat. Fruits and grains. He is on apple cinnamon bar kick. It may not be prefect but its as good as we can do.

Different shift in foods has brought the shift in personalities. We have had meltdowns, over honestly i have no idea. A bug came into his room from his cat.. he killed the big but doesnt know where it is..(his words) caused a meltdown.. and I dont know that there was even a bug. Because Zeq puts gloves on, wraps it in a tissue, and puts outside if he kills a bug.

Sleep walking and talking is occurring. All these things aren’t new. But just haven’t been around for a minute. So it is readjusting to them really. One day he will ask for coffee.. the next day I make some to have ready and he looks at me like I’m crazy. We usually can prepare easily.  But its really just figuring out who is here on what we need.

The other day he came down steps and wanted popcorn chicken…and has never said another word about it since.

The world is uncharted waters for everyone. But imagine being like Zeq. The unpredictable outside world effecting your inside world. Not knowing answers. Unsure about future. Whether it be school, or going to store without a mask, eating at your favorite pizza place. Its hard for everyone. But I believe it is so much harder on the kids who don’t understand.

Maybe for just today give a minute of your thoughts to those who don’t understand.

We will do as we always do, go buy more pepperoni and doritos 😉

As always.

Onward and upward


Yep! Just what it says. Awhile back I wrote a post about him saving his money and he was going to buy a hand held vacuum. He saved the money and bought a red one.

Well let me tell you, at all hours of the day you can hear this kid hand held vacuuming his room. Believe it to be John the clean ocd one. But he does it. Then he religiously cleans the vaccum out, while using a cleaning toothbrush, and all the while wearing green gloves.

I’m sure you chuckled, because I did as well. Why a tooth brush?.. well so he doesn’t have to put his hand inside it. Why gloves, more importantly why green ones. Well gloves so he doesn’t get his hand dirty(because he only uses one, the other one is reserved for ice in his mini fridge … another day another story) and these gloves have little grips to hold it better. Why green?!.. well why not green he says. After it is all cleaned out… he stuffs it full of paper towels, and let’s them in there for 11 mins. Not 10 mins or even 15 mins. But 11 mins is just perfect.

Well ok 11 mins it is. I dont know why. He knows why and that is all that matters. He loves that little vacuum. It serves his purpose. But he has recently been looking for a normal size vacuum. So maybe for his bday we will get him one.

This year he turns 16!! 16 wow. What do you get someone like Zeq and all his personalities for the big 16?! Maybe a cool vacuum. He wants some fingernail kits. He is not a hard kid to buy for just different for sure.

Different isn’t a bad thing at all. Different is probably way cooler than normal any day.

Be different, be you, be outgoing, or shy. Be whatever makes you feel good. Like Zeq he likes designer phone cases, and red vacuums and I think it is awesome.

I hope the start of your week you find something to inspire you. Find something to smile about. Find something to be proud of.

We will do as we always do

Onward and upward


I like biscuits.. you like biscuits? This week Zeq loves biscuits… he eats them with lunch, dinner, as a snack.. only with grape jelly..

Oh the ever changing menu. Different personalities have different tastes, which results in different foods. The past few days.. fried chicken and busicuts with grape jelly. Who doesn’t love either one of those?

Well it comes with special instructions. Chicken skin needs peeled off. Biscuits slightly warmed.. his words not mine. Maybe not even his.. I do believe it is Theo… very very particular.

So out with the saltines. In with the biscuits. Well for this week atleast. We are still on single serve ham packs, we are back to nesquicks on the regular. When he gets down to 6 he has panic attacks so we keep it above that. Along with that he needs 3 hershey chocolate milks. Which are harder to find i might add.

Few days ago John showed up and had some coffee with us. But since has not had any. Let’s see chocolate chip cookies are a thing if the past. We now need 2 boxes of vanilla wafers, 1 bag of large marshmallows. On occasion Jeffery comes and we need red doritos and when Johnny comes we need blue doritos. We have been keeping pace of a chocolate milkshake every evening at 10:30 with extra whipped cream.

I’m sure there is much more with foods, that I am leaving out too. Tomorrow ill tell you about vacuuming as it happens very often.

Things in the world are as unstable as our grocery list these days. But maybe the instability of the world is causing the instability of his personalities never know. But we are pretty aware of it, have came accustomed to it. Someday I mess up and offer him a choice of foods like the other day… and instantly though why did I do that. But I know ill do it again sooner than later. Maybe one day he will make the choice and not instantly feel panicked because of what he choose.

Probably not but hey weirder things have definitely happened. Especially in today’s life.

I hope everyday you find happiness in life. Things are uncertain right now, but you can still find the good in the uncertainty. Find it, welcome it, enjoy it.

We will do as we always do…. find more biscuits.

Until then

Onward and upward

Uncertain times…

These are definitely trying uncertain times. Not only for people like Zeq but everyone in general. As we sit here today we don’t know what the next few months will hold, let alone the next few days.

We will have to decide in a few weeks what we want to do about schooling. does Zeq go back? Do we homeschool? Do we remotely learn? Do we do virtual learning? These are the choices as of now. Seems like a lot of choices, but really there are more questions than choices.

What happens with his IEP, if he is not in a classroom? Do credits transfer if he goes back into classroom next year? Am I selfish for keeping him home? Am I selfish for sending him?

Some of the things we know… Zeqs classroom size is already low 10 at most. He gets to leave class 5 mins before other kids, so shouldn’t haven’t to put a mask on.

So there are a lot of uncertainties we don’t have to make the choice at the moment, but by September we will. Maybe the start date will get pushed back again. Maybe covid will lessen so we can get back to some sort of normalcy. Normal doctor appointments, going out to eat, shopping without a mask. Who knows.

Zeq is pretty content on staying home, that’s how he likes it. But there are those rare days he says hey can we go to Cicis pizza? Sadly buffet isn’t open like normal. Or those times hey wanna go to Goodwill?

Luckily during this pandemic it hasn’t been a horrible bother for him. Sure we have had new personalities, new ocd traits, new foods but we have had years of practice for these situations.

Just because life is uncertain right now, doesn’t mean we cant make the best of it. Try new hobby, read more books, take walks, there are lots of things you can do while social distancing.  Or be like Zeq and be unbothered by it all and just is happy that he doesnt have to put a shirt on and can play his games.

Covid didnt cancel life, so live it. Try a new recipe, do a puzzle, tie dye a shirt, try something new. I wanna try and write a book, or turn these blogs into one. Never say never. Be someones reason to smile today. Life is what you make of it. So make it amazing.

We will do as we always do

Onward and upward

New normal

Back once again…

Have we not had anything interesting to write or say… well that is not the case here for sure.

Sometimes you get caught up in life.. sometimes it isn’t about getting caught up.. sometimes it just is..  everyones routine has been disrupted and no one likes it for sure. Maybe just maybe we now know how someone like Zeq feels everyday when something changes.

Hows quarantine treating you all? Good, bad, grand?  Is it the new normal as everyone keeps saying?. I dont know for sure. We call it life. Zeq rarely likes to leave the house. He is content in his 4 walls of a room for sure. Has he asked to leave only a few times. But he is ok online looking for what he wants and us picking it up, opposed to wearing a mask.

The thought of masks give him panic attacks. I dont blame him for sure.

In the past few months… we have learned how to go to school remotely with success. He did it his way and it worked he ended his year with all a’s and 1 b. His teachers checked on him regularly. The mailed him packets of work and the material he would need for it.

We have had a new personality join our fun group.. Theo… extremely ocd..polite..matter of a factly.. very particular about food..

Now for the food. Still changing but some odd request… over the last few months here has been the list… nesquik chocolate milk(must be that brand and 15 pack) ham…yes ham…but the individually packaged ones(that is current list) saltines(large box) chocolate chip cookies(2 boxes) frozen turkey..yes you read that(eats the entire family size with nothing else has to have metal fork). Chocolate milkshake every evening at 1030 with whipped cream. Apple cut up but only after been refrigerated for 9 mins.

I am sure there is more food that I have missed. But everything is specific.  When the chocolate milks gets to 7 another package needs bought. He takes 4 bottles of water upstairs for his cat to have. He can only use clear plastic utensils when eating.

Happy to have you Theo 🙄

These are just a few of our stories during quarantine.  I am going to start making more blogs I have lots of material to write about. He is a very interesting boy for sure.

I hope you are all doing well, staying safe, healthy and 6 feet away from each other.

As we always say….

Onward and upward

Seasons of life

Its been a minute since the last post. We have been adjusting to our new so called life. But what no one understands is that for people like Zeq this isn’t just an adjustment… it is and will be his new normal so it is going to hard to adjust back. Having Dr apps via telephone.. or even the not know what to do when need labs for a medicine, but need that medicine (antipycotics) the dr had to fight to pass it through without labs.

Over this quarantine we have had personalities run rapid. We have a new fellow you has joined our party. Enter Mr Theo…. we do not know much about him at this time. What we know is that he thinks Zeq is a hoarder(he ain’t lying) While rearranging Zeqs room the other day he profoundly announced how much of a hoarder Zeq was and that he was going through stuff….which he did. Placing items in certain places, throwing away alot. Well alright Theo you go on…

Nope.. Zeq comes back. Questioning me why I am throwing away his prized processions… aka storage bags, paper and odds and ends. So he takes them back out of the trash and replaces to them their proper places. Theo hasn’t been back since or has he..

See what we know of Theo is very clean, odd, and maybe a germaphobbic..

So back to it.. during this time foods and hygienic practices have been odd during some days(maybe Theo)

One day Zeq came down and ask for a bath(never happens) sure buddy. Next day he enforms me that it is time for a haircut.. well alright. Mind you that was weeks ago and we have fought tooth and nail for a bath since.

Foods.. where would I begin we have some weird ones. Ham lunch meat in a bowl.. must use a fork to eat it. Frozen turkey meal family size(one with just meat) he eats the entire thing by himself.

Is this Zeq? Is it Theo? We have no idea.

Everyone ask or says Zeq probably loves this quarantine.. he gets to stay home all the time. Yes and no. Does Zeq enjoy no school no really because he still has schooling.. but he can’t see his one friend at lunch so he doesn’t quite understand. He has a few great teachers who have reach out and called him.

He doesn’t go to stores very often but he has been wanting to go look at an air conditioner ( he wants to buy one for his room.) He doesn’t understand why we can’t go to cicis.

He knows about the virus and we have explained it to him. But it doesn’t make sense to him. Everyone says this will be the new normal everyone will resume life and stuff have to wear a mask. I mean do you think Zeq will make it with something covering his mouth? Not today not ever.

Everyone is having a rough time in this season of life. But we will make it through. We may end up with a house full of new personalities but we will greet and embrace them all.

We will do as we always do. Look for something everyday to smile. Look for the good in all this dark..I promise you it is there.

Until then..

As always

Onward and upward.