Countdown is on

We waited months for the countdown for Christmas break to begin. Well this will begin the not so fun countdown of do I have to go back to school?! Yep you do. We have been forewarning him that next Thursday he has school. He is not so happy about it. He thought he went back on Friday.

The other day officially began we have an Easter break right? Is it a week long? I always tell him we will worry about it when it gets closer.

That’s the thing about Zeq he does worry about it. He wonders about it. That is all he knows. It is the continual knowing, and planning of when this or that will be. Because although may seem like he may be going crazy by asking everyday when this is or that is.. he really isn’t. It actually gives him a stability that some dont even understand. Because to everyone else it looks like pure chaos or atleast sounds like it when he is asking about Easter break during Christmas break. It’s really not.. well by all means we live a chaotic crazy life.. but that question is the least of our worries. You see in his mind he just needs all his ducks in a row. For me picturing his mind I can only imagine a hundred ducks running all of the place at all times. Blue ones, yellow ones. Just ducks everywhere.

I dont need to understand it by any means, because the truth is, it doesnt need to make any sense to anyone. But it makes perfect sense to him.

So you may see or hear crazy countdowns, that seem simple or odd. But to him it is his life. The only way he knows to live his life. So he may repeat it day after day until the actual day comes. But that’s how he has to do it to keep himself atleast a tiny bit sane, in his not so sane mind.

Tomorrow will come and go, another day closer to Easter break, but sadly another day closer to back to school for him. What you do with your days is yours. We chase ducks all day to line them up to only find them running all over the place. But it’s our day non the less. We will continue on with our craziness, we will smile knowing Easter in April and we are counting down already. We will be thankful that have a few more days left of this break. Most of all we will continue writing the chapters in our book. Did you write yours, did you find your smile. Did your ducks all line up? If they didn’t or you didnt. It is ok, because tomorrow is a new day and another chance.

Until then as always

Onward and upward

For today..

For today we eat spaghetti, and chocolate chip pancakes. Tomorrow will it be the same way? No idea but for today we do.

Today Zeq is saving his money he wants to buy a new tv. No there is nothing wrong with his. But he wants a separate one for each system. So for today he is going to save his money. Will that change tomorrow it may.. or may not.

Today his favorite game is fallout. Tomorrow he may get mad at it and say he is never playing it again, only to a few hours later it be his favorite yet again.

People tend to forget or lose track of today. Their today can be just mundane or the worst day ever. You will always hear about the worst day, but only a few sentences about the best day. Our today can change with the blink of an eye without any indication whatsoever.

Foods, games, places, may be a favorite one second to Zeq but to John, or Henry can be the worst thing in the world.

For today, we are thankful that he is eating something. Smiling because he still loves his game. Because tomorrow isnt promised to be so great. Today is what you make of it. What did you make of your today? Were there smiles and laughter. If not today it is ok, but what about tomorrow. What we do today, helps tomorrow. So for today just like Zeq be happy about plates of spaghetti and chocolate chip pancakes. Because tomorrow it may be pork chops and a visit from Henry.

Tomorrow will be here before you know it. Today will come to an end. After it ends you cant change what is already wrote. You cant change the path that was already walked. But you can make the path different for tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new adventure just waiting to be taken. Where will Zeqs adventure take him, no one knows. I know it will involve games and projectors for sure. Other than that we will just have to wait til tomorrow is here. We will wait to see what is in store for us.

As always

Onward and upward

Treasure chest and clocks

Sometimes in life we get caught up, whether it be day to day mundane, whether it be the hustle and bustle of holidays, or maybe summer time sports. Sometimes we forget what is important because we are to busy.

This Christmas we made some homemade gifts for my mom, my brother did as well. My brother made all kids something and so did my mom. Zeq received a handmade treasure chest toy box with real pirate lock with olden time lock as he called it. Zeqs face lit up when his uncle brought it through the door, he said who’s that treasure chest for. Once he found out it was his he was very excited. When as what he was going to put into it. He said one of two things.. gold coins(plastic party favor ones) or fallout stuff. Let’s hope for the later.. because we will need a lot of coins.

The other thing he received that night was a handmade clock from his sweetie pie and pap pap. It wasnt just a clock but it was a fallout clock with real nuka cola bottle caps on it. He opened that box and his face was beaming. He is still choosing the perfect place for it. Because he wants to be able to look at it.

You see by all means Zeq loves his xbox and his games he got. But these 2 gifts were very special to him. He may not understand a ton of things. But he did and does understand that they took the time(he says a lot of time) to make these just for him. These two gifts are invaluable to him. He will treasures these always. Even though his uncle wasnt happy with way box came out it is perfect to Zeq. Nothing or no money can replace these to him. If a game breaks he can get a new one.

But this treasure chest and that clock can not be replaced.

I think sometimes in life people tend to forget the genuineness of a hand made gift. They forget how much time, effort and love that goes into it. Some would rather store bought this and that. But there are those myself included as well as Zeq to see the beauty and incredibleness that is in each one of these gifts. Because someone took the time out of their day to make something just for them, and thought of them to do so. We often forget that, that means more than any amount of money could ever buy.

We enjoyed them so much that this may become a tradition.

Tomorrow will be here, and tomorrow will go just like today. It’s what we make of each day that is what is important. Your day to day lays a path for your month to month, it directs and redirects for your year to year. It is the steps in which you take to forge a future.

It determines your adventures you get to have on your journey.

I am thankful today and everyday for opportunity to make hand made gifts, and to be able to make and share these memories that will last a life time. I smiled thinking of how many gold coins it will take to fill this chest because I know that is what he will chose.

Did you smile today, did you write a new chapter? Were you thankful for atleast one small thing?

As always

Onward and upward

Santa’d up…

We came we saw we Christmased…

Did we do how others do? Nope. did we do it gracefully? Again nope. Did we do it it without personalities. Yet again nope. Did we do it our way?!?! Absolutely!!! We made a mess, unwrapped gifts, melted down, napped, ate, and played.

Zeq did not sleep well last night assuming because of excitement. He was awake and ready for Santas presents early this morning. He was ready to go. Johnny came this morning a few times. We expected he would just for the fact of all the excitement. He came and went. Medicine and breakfast then presents.

Our elves brought them a together gift that contained board games and DVDs. Things we can do together. Then onto santas loot. Paper flying oohs and ahhs. Last but not least he got his fallout 76. The one and only thing he has been waiting for.

Now time for the hooking up of the xbox and game. Here’s where the story gets not so graceful. Get hooked up, user name in place, now for the game to download. One thing some dont understand about autistic children is that they theirselves dont understand. They cant figure out why everything has to download, update, reset etc.. he was so exhausted from the thought of Christmas that he took a nap. You read that right he took a nap. Not a long one. We he got up still not ready so he bacame agitated. He didnt know why it was taking so long. So atlas 5 hours later he is all connected, updated and happily playing his game.

Tonight was bitter sweet for us. No more elf projects but we completed the countdown to Christmas so it makes us smile. We didnt miss a one. Did all 45. But when it was time to do it tonight. There was none. 😦 As well as we said goodbye to our elves. They were allowed to hug them and kiss them goodbye. People may think it is weird or odd, but they are a part of our family. They are little things that keep the gleam in their eyes, gives them a purpose, gives them smiles. Most of all gives us memories and the time to change someone’s day. Whether it is our day, someone who is reading this day, or someone who looks at all our pictures day. So it is sad to see them go back to the north pole.

We made it through the day not anyone’s way but our own. For now everyone is happily playing with their things. Zeq is Zeq at the moment and excitedly showing me all the things in his game. Even though I have no clue what is going on, he doesnt care. For him it is me sitting here watching it.

But tomorrow is a new day with new adventures. I am thankful for the time with my family, I smiled at the day in general. How did you celebrate? Did you smile lots?! Did you show or tell someone how thankful you were?!

As we always say..

Onward and upward

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!!

Christmas eve

Christmas eve is here.. it’s a sad and happy day! Happy because the time has came for Santa to come. Sad because all the elves projects are finished, the advents have been completed and the elves will soon make their way back to the north pole.

The elves brought a card, with jobs to do, put out cookies, spread reindeer food, check the mail, then a bag contained something for bedtime. Zeq got a dog stuffed animals. In the mailbox was letters from Santa containing magic snow, snowflake ornament and each a letter. Zeq gets so extremely excited for these letters every year. He has everyone santa has ever wrote him along with the enevelope as well.

Tomorrow presents will be unwrapped, paper will fly, elves will watch and we will spend time with our kids.

Zeq is so excited, he says he is going to bed so Santa can come. He told Rylee and Hayden they should too so he doesnt miss our house because he could come at any time now. The innocence of his thoughts. It is pure bliss to watch the excitement grow.

Just because our elves projects will come to an end doesnt mean our day to day will. They will still be projects, there will be personalities come and go, they will be funny stories and so forth.

Today I am thankful, grateful, and appreciative for the elves and the projects they brought, the memories we gained from them. I smiled watching the letters being read, the food being spread and the excitement on his face.

I hope you and your family smiled, laughed and were thankful today as much as we were.

Tomorrow will be here before you know, santa will come and laughs and smiles will be shared.

Until tomorrow

As always onward and upward

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Clean rooms and sweetie pies

Didnt get to blog last night because phone went dead after pictures from the project. But last night we got lego trains to build, tonight they brought picture props and coloring pages. Tomorrow night is the last night of them. Makes us sad. Yes we could do them every single day. One day that is my goal. But it would quite be the same, because for him the elves bring them special and it is the countdown for him.

Zeq gets very upset when the elves leave. He waits all year for this month, but also doesnt understand when Christmas is over. So it is a great week, then turns bad. He doesnt understand they come back. They make special appearances through the year as well.

Personalities have came quickly and rapidly between yesterday and today. Its the week, and we know it. We try to do our best but most days it is inevitable that it will change rapidly.

Today has been a day he has been waiting on for sometime. Our Christmas dinner at sweetie pies! He has waited weeks for it. He has ask everyday what day is it. Well it was today and he was over the moon. He took his newest laptops with him because pap pap is going to look at it for him. We ate, and ate and ate some more. Opened our presents and just visited. Was a good time. Zeq didnt want to leave. But we made it home, bathed and elf. A good day.

Just because we have 100s of moods swings, personalities that come and go very often. That doesnt mean we automatically have bad days. We make the best of every day we are given. We weren’t dealt the best hand in life. But that also doesnt mean we are going to lose because of it. We are winners everyday in some way or another.

That’s what we make of our life. We write our own story everyday, we make memories, we smile and we are thankful. Today we are thankful that we were able to spend time with our family. Smiled because of how excited our kids were.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to write your story. Are you willing to take that chance and write your story? Did you find your smile and be thankful for something today?

Tomorrow will be here before you know it..

As always

Onward and upward

Seek n find

Tonight our elves brought us some seek n find Christmas books. They were fun. Zeq seemed to like them. We did our advents as well.

New set of questions have arrived since it is no longer needed to know if can skip school. Now it is what day is it? How many days til Christmas? This afternoon getting close to dinner time. He comes down and says what’s for supper. I say as I always do whatever I make. I do this because if you tell him what you are making if it doesnt sound right, it can cause an instant meltdown. So I learned years ago the only answer is whatever I make. Sometimes this gets a smaller argument but it is much better this way. Well same speal tonight he says but I want to know. I answered same way. Well he looks at me and says I hope it is something tasty… and walks away.. made me laugh but think… I dont know what is tasty to him.. or all of his personalities.. but it did make me laugh.

You know you go to make dinner without a second thought. You make it and everyone sits down and eats. I envy those people.. having a tasty dinner. I have no idea from day to day what Zeq feels is tasty, or even what he may eat. The littlest of things are a challange. But it is ok, it is what makes our story interesting.

Today I am thankful he ate without meltdown. I smiled at his make something tasty comment.

Tomorrow will be a new adventure, with new memories. One day closer to Christmas for him. Did you write your chapter today? Did you smile? Did you find things to be thankful for and not get caught up in the craziness of the season. I hope so. Because tomorrow will come ready or not. Take your time enjoy your day. Find your smile tomorrow if you didnt today.

Until then

As always

Onward and upward

Dinosaurs and skip days

Needless to say Zeq is overly happy it is break. Theres no need to put a shirt on, no need at moment to leave his room other than for a drink, food, bathroom and ofcourse the elf.

Tonight the elves brought us another treasure chest. So that alone was worth everything. He dug, and got 3 dinosaur fossils. The digging projects are among the favorite in the house for everyone.

Today being no school, doesnt necessarily mean it was an easy day, better day yes.. but personality wise still struggle. John came quite often this afternoon the excitement that is drawing closer is making him come more often, Zeqs focus is all over the place. One minute talking about Santa, to the next about airplanes. Then Johnny comes and shakes it up a bit more. Jeffrey came after the elf. He apparently likes the green dish soap and is smells trippy.. what the heck does trippy smell like? I dont know but it just smells like soap to me. He came and ofcourse Zeqs medicine is nothing but a bunch of pharmaceutical chemicals.. well you have a point Jeffrey but sadly for all parties involved Zeq needs them. Without them functioning is not possible.

Glazed donuts have made their way back around into the rotation. We will see how long they last this go around.

But for now we will be thankful that it is another food group other than potatoes. As much as I would like to forget he has multiple personalities Jeffrey and the trippy soap made me smile.

Did you smile today? What are you thankful for? Tomorrow will come, and it will be another adventure. May not be what most think of as an adventure. I’m telling you though it is. It is a journey filled with all sorts of craziness. But it’s a good journey. It’s our life. We will continue to live from the next tomorrow to the next.

Until then

As always

Onward and upward


Tonight the elves brought us a ceramic ornament to paint. Zeq picked a snowman. We did our advents and we ate… of all things… tater tots. He is on a potatoes kick for sure.

They have a half of day of school left then break. The day he has been waiting on since August. The questions have ramped up. Mom please, if I don’t ask anymore, even to rylee, rylee if you be good maybe mom will let us stay home. We are!!! But they dont know that. So it will be a surprise for them. By the time we get them there, it is time to turn around and go pick them up.

Today after school Zeq didnt talk at all. Instead he fired his gun(no gun was in car) out the window urging his troops to fall back and take cover. So I knew shadow was there. He did this all the way home. After being home a few came down and got some tea and Zeq was back.

This afternoon we had our monthly home visit with one of his team. He came down she said hi he said hello. Began talking about pepperoni for snack I told him dinner would be soon. He didnt like that much. He turned around and says I’m gonna go back upstairs.. if you were here you would have laughed as much as I did. She said bye he continued on his way. Wrapping up the home visit he came back laying at top of steps she said hey Zeq you want to sign your paper, he said no… so knowing fully well who is at top of steps she says does Johnny want to sign, if you could have seen look on his face it was kinda like …. she knows my name… either way neither one signed the paper. I never address them by name, other than if he says I’m not Zeq, but I usually still say Zeq. So tonight it was like hey they know who’s here kinda thing.

During elf project out of the blue Zeq says mom I should have made a little wreath to hang on the door, with Christmas lights, and had windows??? He said that would have looked nice huh? Huh? Racking my brain what could he be talking about.. he continues I’m still trying to figure it out. He said it could have been a gingerbread birdhouse…. ooooh yes it could have been. He was telling me he should have thought of it before building it. Then just like that back to painting and talking about a game.

You see even if you dont know what he is talking about it is ok. It is just the fact of having someone there to listen when he is talking. I rarely have any clue when things come out of the blue(most of time) it more that I listen.

You dont have to have any clue about something but can make a persons day that much better by having to time to listen.

Tomorrow will come and go just like today. What we do with tomorrow will determine how our day goes. We can do nothing and let life pass by quickly or we can do something and watch time slow, watch memories be made. It’s how you make your day. Because it is yours. Make the best out of bad situations. We do it everyday. But end of each day… it’s just a chapter in our book. Did you write your? Did you smile and be thankful? Today I am thankful that tomorrow I wont be ask anymore for 2 weeks to skip school. I smiled at Zeq and his “I’m going to go back upstairs ”

Tomorrows your day… live it..

As always

Onward and upward

Bird houses, Christmas concerts, coloring

The title sums up our day in a nutshell. Today was Rylee and Haydens Christmas concerts, the elves brought us coloring pages and Zeq got to bring home his bird house he made in shop class.

Some days are filled with things to do, and others are hectic and filled with things to do. But we manage. We have three kids, just because one is disabled does not mean we stop. We live our life from the time we open our eyes, until it is time for bed.

Today was just a day, it had a lot of things in it. But we got them all done.

Personalities have came and gone, the same as they do everyday. We were visited by Johnny a couple times here and there. John came this evening. He is happy, angry, sad, then to happy again. Nothing out of the blue for our day.

Onto this birdhouse. So in building class aka woodshop Zeq got to make this birdhouse. He has told me about it everyday since he started. Telling me how huge it was. How many boards it took etc.. so in my mind how am I going to fit this in the car?!?! We then 9 weeks switched he moved on to shop class where he is cutting and soldering. I have ask about the birdhouse off and on. He told me the other day it was being stained. Well todays the day he is getting to bring it home. So oh man how is this going to fit into the car. Go into school and he comes out holding his birdhouse.. it’s normal size.. I chuckled to myself. Here I am thinking this 9 foot tall bird house is coming home and it was just a regular one.

Goes to show you Zeqs perspective this bird house is huge, little things are gigantic. The smallest things really do mean the world to some people.

Did you smile today, were you thankful. I smiled about this birdhouse many times today. I am thankful that I am able to do Christmas concerts, elf projects with all of them. Tomorrow will soon be here ready or not it is coming. What you make of tomorrow is all yours.

Until tomorrow

As always

Onward and upward