This kid…

Let me tell you.. I literally laughed the whole time after picking him up from school. So the school got a remodel so they are apparently upgrading all their computers. So a few weeks back he brought home a keyboard.. let me tell you he was so excited. So then yesterday apparently he brought home keyboard for rylee.. headset for hayden.. some speakers for himself. When I got home.. he says mom I got you something. I wasnt feeling well so he said it would make you feel better. Told me to close my eyes… and he puts in my hand a mother board… yep a mother board. He was thrilled he told me he would keep it in a safe place. It did for sure make me smile…

Onto today.. he gets in car and his mouth is going about mile a minute. Opens his book bag and tells me all about his treasures today…. ethernet cords, another headset, cords, a remote for a Dell, I dont even know whatelse… he is so excited.. oh and he picked me up a hard drive.. he is going to keep it safe for me.. he tells me there were about 15 spiders in the tote with the cords.. he grabbed them real fast he said.

He proceeds to tell me.. mom they have whole desk tops… I said oh.. well that’s cool. He said mom I am going to figure out how to put one in my backpack to bring home.. as he is telling me this he is beaming.. so I can imagine within a week this child will have a desktop on his backpack come hell or high water.

It made me laugh so much you needed to be here to hear him going so fast.

Like I always says it’s the little things…

Onward and upward

Not for the faint..

This blog isnt going to be for everyone. This is some of the realest you will see. So turn back now, if you dont want to see. If your still curious then strap in..

So everyone always says to me.. oh Zeq couldnt hurt a fly. Well maybe not Zeq but his body, and some of his personalities can. Whether I want to believe it or not, I have no choice. I have been on the receiving end of it for a lot of years now.

They tell me… I get it because I am his safe place. He knows somewhere deep within I will never hurt him. His personalities know that they are safe to unleash havoc. You see meltdowns aren’t always just screaming and crying. Most meltdowns result in a rage of some sort. Sometimes he is on receiving end of his own rage, sometimes it is our property and a lot of time it is me.

At the end of them, he has no clue the wrath that just ensued. He doesnt remember what happened, nor why.. and I don’t have the answers for him. He is exhausted, I’m exhausted and we both look like we have been through war. Sweating, bruised, bleeding messes. If food is involved 9 times out of 10 it is everywhere. If it is property that takes the hit, he could have anything at any given moment everywhere.

Have others seen this rage, sure have. His brothers and sisters have seen so often they are unphased by it. Is that a good thing.. not necessarily but also not a bad thing. They know and somewhat understand. They ask questions and we answer as best as we can.

Zeq himself would never hurt anyone ever. He is kind and compassionate. But his personalities are not the same. Some are not nice kind or compassionate. Some have no empathy. But at the end of the day that is my son in there. No matter how many bumps or bruises I receive when I look at him that’s my son. I know deep down he has no control of these other people.

I wish it was easier on him. I wish things were different. But at end of the day we deal with it the best we can.

Onward and upward.

Few pictures from different meltdowns