You know there are some people who often say: I dont know how you do it, you are stronger than i am, or even I wish I could change things for you.
Change things for me?!? I have thought about this.. for along time. I wouldn’t change things. Would I do anything to make life easier for Zeq well ofcourse. But we have lived this life for 14 years he has never known any different so if you ask him would he change his life. He would look at you confused and say no why would I?!?! He has lived it, he is mastering it.
I am not the strong one, he is. Can you imagine his life just inside his head?!?! Physically I see and go about his life everyday and it is no easy feat. But mentally I myself have no idea how he does it every day. Fearing new things, scared of textures, routines upon routines, a specific order in his head, school walking around a place where nothing makes sense. He by far is more strong than me. He makes me look like an ant in the middle of a desert. He goes through more to get out of bed than most of us do in a lifetime. Could you imagine for one minute being told to wake up, then this personality or that personality saying no way I’m tired. Or when it’s time for bed these personalities are ready to party like it is 1990 and maybe Zeq just wants to sleep. I cant imagine it. I try really hard.
Then the how do you do it?! Well we just do it. We wake up and make everyday the best we can. Is it easy no way no how. But we have a life to live. We have two other kids that are just that. They play sports, they like to do things. It is not an easy balance. With full time jobs, sports, dr, therapist, dinners. Just life. We live as normal of a life as possible. We do it the best we can. Everyone has their own life. Some people dont understand when we say we have to be home by this time or that time. Because just stay. Well it’s not that easy for Zeq to just stay. Do we miss out on things. Sure we do. Do we cringe when baseball goes into extra innings absolutely. We do our best with what we have. Is it perfect absolutely not. But we are perfectly happy being imperfect. Life is what you make of it. We could spend our life looking at all the what ifs, or the why nots…. but you know what?!?! We would be missing out on this epic adventure we are on. We would be missing out on all the memories we are making.
People always say I’m sorry..sorry for what?!?! Sorry that Zeq is this way. What way is Zeq exactly?!? Dont be sorry for us. Dont be sorry for Zeq(he wouldnt know why you are). Because at the end of the day you know what we are.. you know what I am?!? I am blessed to have Zeq just the way he is. He teaches me. He helps me see that the round peg can infact fit into the square hole you just have to make it fit. He shows me what strength is. He shows me how to be humble. No we dont get hugs and kisses randomly throughout our day. But from him we have learned that the smallest things matter the most. We have learned that life is what you make of it. I have learned how to be the person he needs me to be. For that and for him I am blessed!!!