Personalities….

So this one is a little different.. not the happiest. Because who ever actually wants to face problems head on?!?!

First being said federal state whatevers.. can not diagnose a adolescent with schizophrenia or disassociate identity disorder. It wont happen no matter how many people have been present for the identities. There are many people in our lives.. teachers, specialists, people who are on his mental health team. Have witnessed, documented and even written letters about it. Does it mean it doesnt exists. No.. but it is easy to give a diagnosis.. but if it is the wrong one you have to prove that beyond shadow of a doubt..they are not what they are.. if makes any sense.. having the words on piece of paper doesn’t make a difference in the least bit. His medicine plan would be the same.. the home life would be the same, therapy would he same difference only would be a therapist may know where to start rather than guessing, and trying 5000 different approaches. Because he hates therapy everytime.

Now the nitty gritty of the personalities in our life..and our home… you can distinguish the personalities by body language, voice pitch, his verbal responses. You can see them happen before your eyes.

The longest one who’s been around. No name.. kinda shadowy figure to say the least.. he is an older gentleman. He is a soldier to be specific. He has his gun. He calls out orders. Waits for responses. Uses language and code words that most people wouldn’t understand. I say shadowy figure because it is what it he stands in shadows or behind corners. A few have questioned oh no zeqs just playing. No no he is not. At first I was like yea he is. But you can try your hardest to acknowledge or see you but he doesnt know your in the same room. It’s as if he can’t break command or he has his partners back. He will walk right past you or into you without knowledge. When the switch flips and he is gone. Zeq stands looks at you like your an alien and talks just like he would and goes back to his bedroom to play his video game.

Brings us to the second longest personality.. the toddler.. his name is Johnny. He comes and visits quite often. Few times a day. You know when Johnny is there. Squealing, bouncy, flapping, clumsy, extremely happy or overly sad, repeating words little boy. Will come clumsily running down the the stairs “kitty kitty kitty kitty over and over. Until you have to say stop. Or when food is too cold or hot sitting down in middle of floor hitting his upper legs, tears streaming down his face. To saying Johnny wants apples.. ok Johnny but zeq does not. Johnny is the easiest to spot.. and to get redirected. If you can get eye level and say Zequals name a few times while he is looking usually works the quickest. He causes no harm. He is innocent.

Those two are the most visited in our home everyday they come and usually bother no one.

The next few are distinct in their own and you always know which ones are there… I want everyone to know they are named, not by us always that is the name zequal will say who is there or will refer to himself as.

John not a new guy been around for bit. He is 30ish.. clean guy.. very well spoken.. and very OCD walks with his head down, mono tone, rubs his hands as if something is on them. One instance he came and was eating. Got something on his hands.. goes to bathroom wash his hands (sidebar zeq never washes his hands in the bathroom always in the kitchen sink with dawn dish liquid) he is mumbling walking out of bathroom he says mother this is unthinkable there is nothing to dry my hands off with. Walks through the livingroom (we were having a meeting with members of his mental health team) and walks right into us.. doesnt stop goes into the kitchen gets towel and back to his bedroom. Few minutes later mumbling again goes back to bathroom and washes again. We all watch no one says anything. 20 mins go by and you hear Zeqs voice talking to someone on his game. As if nothing happened.

Onward…and upward..

Next is a teenage/20 year old boy who is called Jeffery. His appearance is tall(your thinking how can zeq be any taller) shoulders back appearing taller than he really is. He is cocky, stubborn.. and doesn’t call me mom mommy or mother.. I’m simply known as hey man… how do I know this is not just zeq as a teenager. Well you see. One evening when it was medicine time I yelled for zeq… nothing 20 mins later he comes down..”what man” I say medicine time.. then I proceed to be told that zeq may need this medicine but I do not.. it is nothing but chemicals going straight to my brain…what?! Ok but zeq needs medicine. On another occasion same person legitimately says to he hold on.. turns around talks to someone(no ones there) waits for an answer and turns around to me and says no.. we aren’t taking it??!!. Who’s we and yes yea you are… enough Jeffery time to go home.

On to Jonathan.. middle aged personality..grumpy indecisive ocd aggitated.. john you see only uses foaming hand soap to wash his hands because he can not be bothered with any other kinds. Zeq can be ask to do something he would enjoy..be excited.. then this damn john comes.. doesnt want to go screaming.. wants to go crying.. meltdown ensures… we dont go.. it has been heard many times sometimes hours later..john say..Zeq you are so stupid… why John?!?!

Not last but last for now.. because those are the main.. we have a handful more.. but they havent been around to write a profile..

So last but not least… one who has no name as of yet.. only traits.. his traits are unconsoulable, angry, mean. He doesnt have a name.. he is relatively new.. few months now.. going somewhere zeq absolutely loves would live there if could.. his sweetie pies(his grandmas) we leave he is good excited. His tea bottle begins to sweat.. this guy comes and let me tell you it was a battle..the whole trip all the way and outside of the car to restraint. He was angry his bottle was wet. Began beating head first feet off of the window of car. Let me out.. he starts sweating and turns to blackout rage.. pulling at his hair and clothes.. because of it. At some point his mouth began bleeding so that set it off even more, begins spitting blood and screaming. Punching himself in the head.. all this while restraining as much as I can in passenger side. He tries to rip his clothes off and seatbelt off. Finally get to where we are going out of car it is still happening. Get him restrained and finally it is ok.. afterwards he goes in plays his phone as if nothing had even transpired. Whew.. we dont like this new guy!!!

You see there are more identities to talk about and new ones coming.. so we can save some for another day. Some are harmless..some not so much.

But imagine going thru day to day in and out of a reality.. or doing something you have no idea you did. It’s deja vu all day long really is the only thing I could compare it too.

Not one person out there would ask for that kind of life..

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