Throw away or not?! 8/27/18

That’s a good question in our home. For Zequal the answer is always not. This kid would keep everything and I am not exaggerating one bit. If it wasn’t for the often purge or boxes, hotwheels packaging he would have them all.

Little fact other than a few cars and games and his guns he never opens anything…!! I mean anything. When he opens his gifts from birthday, Easter, Christmas 90% of the stuff stays in the packaging. Under his bed right now is probably 20 unopened lego sets. Yep he ask santa for them. But hes not ready to play with them yet.

When he was younger he would unwrap one present and be done. If I wouldn’t have unwrapped his gifts they would still be that way today.

He is the collector of all collectors. I don’t mean the normal knick knack.. I mean here are a few of his favs…

4 years ago went to the beach.. he found a piece of seaweed… put it in a bottle with ocean water.. yep still has that bottle proudly displayed. And knows where it is at all times. Or how about we went to a 50th birthday party you know the little confetti pieces that say 50. Yep sure do have a baggy full of them. He has a box full of little golden coins… I would say upward of 150 coins. Not to mean when he buys a hotwheel, he buys the exact same one in multiples of 5. Why?!?! I have no idea, his reasoning you never know when you will need an extra camouflage jeep. Or you know 7 of the same stuffed animal bunny, all with different names. Or maybe you when he broke his finger and got cast..yep he still has it. Or all those burnt out Christmas lights, you never know one day they may work again. For whatever reason he may have he will buy the same thing over and over. I’m ok with it. Atleast is something he likes, and maybe somewhere in his head he knows he already likes the look,feel of it so he wont be disappointed.

If it was up to him. He would keep everything possible. Because it is his and he doesnt understand why it needs to go away. So monthly or so while he is occupied I sit and open all the 15 million hotwheel jeeps and put them in the car box. “Car” box not the tank box, or not the army box but the car box. I open the 32 helicopters all the same ones mind you, and put them with the aircrafts. I take all the papers out of the game boxes and put them in one of his many “treasure” boxes…this one happens to be an old wooden cigar box that he loves. In the authentic army ammo box has to have tanks.

Everything is where he places it. If it is moved to clean or vaccum ut throws him off. Then comes the have you seen my..?!?! Followed by where is my…?!?!

If he could he would save everything paper cardboard and glass because he has this thing for recycling. But wants to save it up for very long time then take it all at once. He doesnt understand that we should put it out once a week. Because to him it makes more sense to have a car full then take it, because you know it’s less trips. I mean he has a point in his own way.

It’s just who he is. If it is up to him hes not going to throw that piece of string away because he can hook it to his helicopter and pull up an injured soldier. Hey he has a point.. no man left behind. We are working on throwing away the actual trash. Such as wrappers, old paper etc.. it is a process. But we will slowly get there.

So when you see a string laying on ground or when a string of Christmas lights that dont work anymore.. your trash may light up the next persons life.

Pain.. sickness.. 8/26/18

Pain.. sickness…
Kinda sounds like the beginning of some wedding vows. Nope just our life. Some interesting facts..

Sickness…

Sure we have the normal kids go to school come home with runny nose, fever, sore throat. Sure we do with our other 2 kids. But not with Zequal. Never does he get sick.. I’m meaning ever. When he was a baby he had a really bad stomach flu once.. and the year of h1n1 yep he got it. Had to be quarantined. But that is it. No fevers. No anything. Now days of he sneezes we are like oh no what’s happening. But never turns in to anything. He does have allergies that are controlled. He has asthma as well not often that flares up though. He has chronic migraines. But as far as the school germs or the everyday colds. We dont experience them often.

Pain… so I have touched on his pain tolerance here and there throughout the blogs. He has a ridiculous pain tolerance. I have seen this boy fall down a flight of steps end over end.. stand up and walk away. Jaw to the floor, panicked is he ok.. yep he sure is. I have been witness to him coming home from school his hand swollen. Ask what happened. Someone tripped him. Does it hurt buddy?!?! No.. ok give some ibuprofen and watch it. Then after the weekend ok, no something is wrong. Drs we go… xray.. yep broken 3 spots. Wth!!! Does it not hurt?!? No apparently not now just pissed because he has to wear a cast. I have seen him RIP teeth out of his mouth, pick his skin until it bleeds.

Last year was at school he slid down a ramp. (He tells us about it a week later) he says mom my elbow hurts. Not swollen but a little red. Make dr appointment.. exam…xray… sure enough broken funny bone.. really zeq?!?! How’s this even happen. He has stepped on a board and put a nail completely through his foot.. did he say anything?!? Sure didnt until bath time.

When he has meltdowns he inflicts all sorts of pain on himself.. but it never hurts.. but even odder.. he barely hits his toe on step..end of the world.. hits his knee.. the world has stopped spinning. I don’t know why or how. But his pain tolerance is unheard of. It is like it is hypersensitive or not sensitive at all.

Just some interesting facts.

Can you imagine breaking your hand..foot..or anything really, and never feeling it?!?!

Reality 8/24/18

What is reality?
Have you ever wondered is this real life? Or ever seen the movie inception.. just a dream within a dream and so on. People use the phrase “well that’s reality” or “so and so needs a reality check” but what am I checking? Because my reality and the next persons reality are possibly two different things?!?! Or may not I’m not sure… here is how reality is defined..

re·al·i·ty

rēˈalədē/Submit
noun
1.
the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
“he refuses to face reality”
synonyms: the real world, real life, actuality; More
2.
the state or quality of having existence or substance.
“youth, when death has no reality”

So by definition no two people can have the same reality per say.

I know Zequals reality is way different than my own.. his reality is no one ever gets hurt.. no cars wreck(because you can pull into a garage and it fixes them) no one dies or goes away(I dont know where they go exactly) the world basically never changes in his reality. He doesnt understand that things cost real money, or people can get hurt and even pass away. In his world if you smile at him that means you are his friend, you can hit him, take his things but if you smile at him he associates that with being nice. He has no social skill cues. He know what happy is(smiling) sad is crying, mad is a mean voice but other than that he doesnt know anything.

He does live in his own world, his own reality. I always want him to live there. A place where he never knows the worst. Because he hears the word “retard” he doesnt know they are making fun of him, or even that it is horrible word. He doesn’t understand that if they take his pencil and throw it that they are doing it to be mean and they aren’t playing a game with him.

He knows that we dont use the word hate.. but not because it is not nice to say, or that it could hurt someone’s feelings. He knows not to say it because he was taught not to say it. Yes I have told him we dont say it, it is not nice,and hurts peoples feelings. But does he know what that even means?

His reality is blissful ignorance.. he is a kid.. he doesnt know any different. This came about because after school he was asking me if when goes to high school does that mean all the middle schools come together. I said yes they are seperated into two highschools.. oh ok he says. He says mom after high school does all those kids go into two colleges? I said you get to choice which college you want to go to depending on what you want to do. He looked at me and began talking..not about schooling but about getting a job to pay for his own pumpkin cookies when he is 18. He continued that he is going to live with me. It made me laugh because all he is worried about is pumpkin cookies.. then he began rambling about a game then his shoe. It also made me sad because this whole time he was using very large words, picking at his fingers, checking to see if seatbelt was on tight.

If you know Zequal you know how he speaks and the pitch of his voice and the words he uses. You would also know he doesnt talk after school except to ask if we are getting a snack. Then he plays his phone and watches his videos. So you know it was one of the many personalities. They come and go lasting few mins to few hours. You can tell by his body language voice and just him. Since school started more often than not.. another one came at dinner time. He walked by me as I was eating.. and stopped looked me dead in the eye(doesnt so) and ask me if he could have some of my porkchop…umm sure sure you can.. ate big bite and said he loved it?!?! What.. ok.. he than ask of I would make him some for dinner tomorrow and walked away. So hour later I ask if he wanted me to make pork chops and mashed potatoes tomorrow night. Zeq was like no!!! I don’t eat that stuff!!! I said ok and walked away.

Which got me thinking. My reality is different than yours, zeqs is different than mine. But do these personalities have their own reality?! Or is it the same as zeqs. The person sitting in the car with me telling me about working. Or the person who put pork in his mouth for the first time ever. I look at him and I see my best friend I see my son. But I know in my heart that that person for whatever brief moment isn’t him and I don’t know what that persons reality is.

Just in generally I know my reality. I know what I need and want out of life to a point. No one ever has anything planned 100% I also know that my reality is to teach zeq how to live life without me one day…not any day soon or ever if I get the choice. But sometimes reality isn’t good or simple. Because in my reality what is going to happen to him if something happens to me.. will he be put in a facility (been there done that) will he be ok?! Who will sit with him and listen to him talk for hours about his game?

Reality is different from person to person. People may have same hopes and dreams. But they will obtain them in their own way. So when you hear someone say that person needs a reality check.. maybe just maybe the person saying it needs the education lesson. Maybe they need to come put zeqs shoes on for a day and live his reality then maybe they would appreciate small things like pumpkin cookies coming back out, or an old worn out ghostbuster shirt. The little things and life can be perfect for someone.

Sleepy 8/23/18

Sleepy…

First thing first… 2nd day of school! The shoes were a success!!

Back to it now.. sleep! Some are probably thinking what about it. You close your eyes and off you go.

Well Zeq doesnt have it that easy. If it was up to him he’d probably never sleep ever. He is like the Energizer bunny goes and goes until passes out. Then there’s odd reality that he can sleep very little. Like a few hours and be able to go for days longer. I myself personally enjoy sleep, wish I could have more.

As a baby Zequal was a very iffy sleeper. Used to walk around Walmart in his carseat to get him to nap. Then only to awaken a short time later. Then around age of 2 he began to have night terrors. He would sit up screaming, tears running down his face, and eyes shut. This went on for a long time until he was placed on medication. Then there was period when he would sleep walk. Every night fully asleep walk then just stand over me, when I would wake sometimes would yell because was that alarmed.

At a young age I dont know if his mind or body said hey you can go a long time without sleep. But he could and still can. When he has a meltdown it exhausts him to the point he closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep. Other times he looks at me as if I am alien because I tell him its bedtime.

Once when things became bad, after a hospital visit he said awake for almost 6 days straight. He didnt bother anyone just stayed awake. I have no idea why, and he couldnt explain to me. All he said was hes not tired. Ok buddy but mom is.

When he was 5 he rearranged the whole entire kitchen in the middle of the night because wasnt tired. He was so proud of it. He told me it was silly for butter to be in the fridge so he put it in the cupboard. Also that purple spoons couldnt touch anything else so he put them stragically other places. It took me about 5 hours to put everything back where it needed to be. He was proud of his work, and told me it didnt bother him anymore.

Some say, have you tried sleep study.. we sure have. Horrible experience and one I dont want to try anytime soon. We get to sleep study. The bed is uncomfortable, makes noise, cold, and hes not tired. Then they try to hook him up.. oh well that wasnt working after about an hour of trying we got all hooked up. He looks and me and says I think they are putting stuff in my brain. I say no they are just measuring it. Lights out off to sleep we go. In the morning get all unhooked. Thankfully. Because he was ready to go. They gave him a print out of his brain waves which he thought was so cool(he still has it to this day)

Days.. weeks go by the results are in: not sleep apnea, not restless legs.. so no reason he wouldn’t be sleeping. Interesting fact.. oh yay special case. In an 8 hour period he never fell into a rem state never once. He was awakened 13 times, aroused but never fully awake 74 times. 74 times can you imagine never getting a good night’s rest. Never falling full into dream state?!?! No real reason, nothing to try, just kinda like oh now what do we do.

Imagine being up for days upon days.. imagine never getting full nights rest, imagine no napping. But yet just keep going. I dont know about you but I’m tired just thinking about it. I’m tired for him. But when you lay down tonight just think about these kids laying in bed because they are told too, but never getting that rest.

First day blues.. 8/22/18

First day blues…
Well we came we saw we had our first day of school….

Was it a perfect first day.. no.. was it the best time of course not. Did we make it through it. Yep we did. Alarm goes off, let’s do this. Zeq was surprisingly ok getting up.. yay a victory (small to some huge to us) next clothes… strategically picked soft shorts for comfortability.. cotton tshirt for the same. Puts on hes ok with them both. Sweet…. breakfast has the normal donut. Still ok.. maybe we got this. Socks and shoes.. here’s where we start to go downhill quickly. One sock on…these are too long. Ok got this I’ll roll them down. He looks at me funny but let’s me and is a little better with it. Shoes.. well this didnt work out in our favor. Puts on. Too tight.. loosen them.. one feels funny. At this point 15 mins fight with these shoes. Time to leave has past. Meltdown begins. Ok ok you can wear sandals.. you wanna wear sandals(dumb decision on my part giving him a choice) no dont want to wear sandals. Ok buddy but we got to go. Make it to car, during meltdown. Zeq you can take your shoes off right after school.

Start our route to school. 5 minutes into it.. these shoes are gonna make my feet go numb.. I cant feel my feet. So the shoe fight continues. Turn around I want my sandals.. please mom please I need my sandals, I wanna wear my sandals..see why decisions are so bad…….

Zeq we cant turn around we are literally pulling into the school. So then begins the added part of our morning. Why do I have to use a book bag. I dont want to it makes my back sweat, it wont fit in my locker, its heavy. Please lord just let him make it into the school. Make to school, take our normal picture and out of the car. Not after promising I would atleast look for different shoes today. Whew in the school he goes.

Fast forward school day. Gets in car to go home. How was your day buddy. It was good. Your shoes do ok? Yep they did fine.. uggh.. all that for they were fine.. uggh.. but glad it worked out. We bought him another pair of shoes, ones without laces. He tried them on and loved them. So hopefully he loves them tomorrow.

After dinner we ask him what he liked about the first day?! nothing!! What is something that was bad about the first day?! His shoes!!! What is something you would change about first day?!.. my shoes(damn these shoes) and he would also not go to school.

After all said and done he made it through his first day. That is all that matters. He got new shoes for tomorrow and hopefully they will help.

You have to pick your battles with Zequal. If shoes is problem not necessarily an easy solution but not one that cant be changed. When comes to clothes he doesnt get the choice because it cause way to much pressure on him. Dont want to carry a book bag. Can be fixed as soon as gets his locker.

So at end of the day today was a victory! We will worry about tomorrow when it comes. Each day has it’s own challenges to overcome. So we will wait to see what awaits us tomorrow.

Every child on the first day of school has excitement or fears. Just remember some kids excitement and fears are so overwhelming it cripples them for either few mins to hours or days upon time. They need a little extra time to adjust. Be considerate.

Most notorious question asked… 8/21/18

Most notorious question asked…

So the most notorious question asked about Zeq?!?!.. is… when did you know.. notice that he may be different….

I mean we are all different in our own ways.. but definitely the most ask question I get.

I mean as you go through life. You notice things now..and think man I should have noticed that before. Right?!?! Well no. Because no one ever knows or can pin point the exact moment that something is off.. or slow.. or odd.

I could say it was at a week old when he never slept…ever!!! I could say it was when he didnt walk til almost 2. Or when he would stare at ceiling and talk to people. Or maybe it was when he was 3 and had to wear his lightning McQueen shoes 24/7 for almost a month(I mean only taking off for bath even sleeping in them) or just maybe it was when it was time to be done with bottle and he didnt drink for almost 2 days because of it. Or how about when he watched the cars movie non stop over and over until I had to replace the disk 3 times. It could have been when he would only drink strawberry milk out of a green cup. Oh yea that one time for his whole kindergarten year he wore a picture of me around his next. Oh and this one phase for a few years he had night terrors. I mean there was also the fact he didn’t potty train until 7. Or just maybe at 13 he can’t tie his shoes.

Yes a lot of this came after diagnosis. But when you have a new baby and he is amazing and not crying or seeming in pain. It is as if he is great. You dont think to remember the little quirks. Because he is perfect.

I can think of million things I should have caught or wrote down now almost 14 years later. But I didnt.. nope sure didn’t. My son was a healthy baby. So I didn’t question a lot of things. But maybe I should have..? But what difference would it have made? None not a single difference. He got diagnosed at a very young age of 4 thanks to his pre k teacher. She noticed things, and asked questions I wouldn’t have even thought twice about.

So at age of 4 he got his first set of diagnosis. Did it change who he was?!. Nope sure didn’t and if he gets more added as days/years go by.. is it going to change him?? Nope sure won’t. Will it help understand open possibilities.. of course. But nothing would change him, and I would never change him for anything. Sometimes I am ask if there was a magic pill to make it all go away would you try it?

I have thought long and hard about this… I wouldn’t. He is who he is!! Every ounce of him is amazing. He is my best friend in this whole world. I wouldn’t change him no matter what. Would i give anything in this universe to make his life easier.. of course sign me up.

He teaches me everyday. I learn so much from Zeq. I learn about fear, and struggles and he doesnt even know he is teaching me. I am his voice on things he can not say. I will always be his voice.

So I quess to answer the question everyone always asks. When did I know.. I knew the moment he was born that we would have the adventure of our lifetime.

Routine routine routine

Routine routine routine
Most important thing in life in our house.. you guessed it. Routine!!! In some sense everyone has a routine of you think about it. You get up go to work.. eat around the same time everyday and so forth. For Zequal routine is a little different. Yes we get up, medicine, breakfast etc. But we are on summer break with school starting in just days. Well to say the least it has been what day is it over and over. Mom I dont think I remember my schedule. I have it wrote down buddy. So the next week or two getting into school time routine shall be fun. An autistic persons a routine isn’t as easy to skip something as small as having lunch a half hour later, or a shower in the morning instead of evening. Such as Zeq when he wakes up you can say what time is it. Looking out the window he replys daytime. Just the same as if it is dark it is night time. He doesnt associate the time of day with a number. Numbers are for items or things. Dinner is 5:30. When the clock turns 5:30 it’s time to eat. We have came to the conclusion that he doesnt know when he is actually hungry but the clock says 5:30 so he must be. Just same as 8pm medicine time. 6:30 bath time 7:15 snack. His whole day is laid out into a number.

Believe me he knows it. He lives by it. When his routine is disrupted it is not that easy, cant just say hey buddy we will bath at 7 tonight, because he says we cant do that because I’ll miss snack. Because to him it has to be this way and this time or it doesnt work.

So when it comes to summer break.. it is rough it takes him 3 weeks of meltdowns or rapid personality changes to adjust. Because his whole world is upside down. Then back to school right after we just readjusted. Same happens in winter breaks and spring breaks.

Between personalities coming and going and him feeling like he doesnt know right from left. Somedays become to much for him

So when you wake up late and say I’ll shower after work, or your dinner gets pushed back an hour because you were busy. Just remember there are kids melting down or crying because they believe since it is 5:35 they cant eat because it too late now. Or that we dislike them because we are starving them. Or heck they may not even know they are hungry just know it is past time to eat.

Teeth teeth and more teeth 8/17/18

Teeth, teeth, and more teeth…

Are you ready? …..

You thought the poop story was fun?!?!

Here’s another phenomenon.. teeth… yes teeth.. oh it gets better a couple stories about Zequal and his teeth.

So you take your child to his first dentist appointment some kids are scared parents are nervous. Me well I just hoped to make it through the trip. So go in does ok considering a stranger has their hands all up in his mouth. Counting cleaning flouriding. Less than an hour doing good we got this. His dentist comes back…oh hey we wanna get xrays.. well shoot.. this should be fun.. wasnt a walk in the park but wasn’t Jurassic world either. So waiting for her to come back. She comes back and was like we need another xray..ugggh what the heck let’s go. Xray again, wait again.. she comes out gets me and says come look at this.. oh lord what’s up with my kids mouth.. shows me, well I’ll be damned. Three sets of teeth one on top of the other. She is amazed I am amazed. No concerns.. I mean well if having three sets of teeth aren’t concerning enough, but hey in our life I can live with it.

So shark teeth it is.. we go about our day.. were good. Fast forward a bit.. so now these second set of teeth are coming in.. ok you say… well not really.. because the first set are still in there.. welp dentist we go. She sees him still amazed and now even more amazed.. first set not loose, second set growing in perfectly in place behind them. So we decide that will get loose soon and slide right in spot. Ok cool no hurricane of a day, they dont bother him so good to go. Alright not to bad. I mean this point we don’t not a lot phases us. Fast forward a little more time.. well here comes the third set.. ok.. no not ok not only does he have his second set, well you guessed it he still has his first set. All perfectly all set in front of set, in front of set..yep.. why.. why us… Oh hey dr parks.. we got a problem. Back to dentist we go. Hi hi ho.. yep we have a problem.. so go.. even more amazed at this point even a dentist hasn’t seen this.. oh yay yet another special case.. great.. so make the decision.. some have to go.. why not.. let’s do this!!! 7 have to go.. oh crap.. ok can do this. Yep 7 go. You know the teeth is one phenomenon.. second phenomenal thing. No pain medicine.. nope we got one shot in his gums and it was over. Already prepped got him calm. He was watching tv. And out they came. Not a flinch(sidebar he has ridiculous pain tolerance which there will be lots of stories about) walks out 7 teeth less, tons of prizes, and still more teeth than you need.

Oh we aren’t done with teeth.. few years ago. Zeq says mom I have a loose tooth, ok, not easy subject because he cant figure out why they come out. But ok. It’s ok buddy it will come out soon. Go about the day… couple hours later Zeq comes out with tooth it came out.. ok buddy it’s ok he is upset.. but hey tooth fairy will come. Ok sure made thru the night.

Next day.. mom I have a loose tooth.. what?!?! Let me check.. I mean he has extra teeth so it’s possible. Let me check buddy.. nope not loose..at all!! I tell him.. go about my day! Right?!?! Nope!! Couple hours later.. zeq comes mom my tooth came out.. hands me bloody tooth and all…and…roots..what buddy no!!! Call dentist…..help… she says with extra teeth could be pressure that pushed out.. om logical .. whew.. ok we are good..

2 days later… blood…mom…hand..tooth..root!! Uggh mom it was loose. No no no it wasnt buddy…. 1 week, 3 teeth.. off to his physcatrist this time. She says it’s not absolutely abnormal, but never met some who did it with teeth.. oh let me guess special case?!?! well what the heck did they do it with then?!?! Who knows.

So after days upon days of checking watching.. we are through this stage!! Yay…thank goodness

So then some people did some research.. with the teeth pulling.. in rare very rare cases it is said that people like Zeq can actually hear his teeth growing in and it is an ungodly sound that he just wanted to go away. All I will say I hope it never comes back.

Recently after some research by someone they say it is to be said that one with multiple sets of teeth, it may have been possible that inn the womb maybe possible zeq was a triplet and was all consumed into one body. Very interesting. I dont know. Geesh.

He doesnt pull out teeth thankfully anymore, but he does still have some multiples coming in. A couple of his top teeth are layered.

I told you there would be some interesting things about Zeq you would learn.

I am attaching a picture from the day that the dentist removed the 7. This was an after picture. You can see he still has a few behind his other layer.

When you brush next time thing of how it is such a quick thing you never think of.

Crappy situation 8/16/18

Crappy situation…

Literally!!! So on tonight’s episode… the all famous poop! Our least favorite subject.

So if you have read, known anyone on the spectrum you will know it is the one constant GI problems! Of all sorts. In this house it is chronic constipation. You think ok, some Miralax couple times a week, as long as he goes few times a week we are golden. Oh don’t I wish. We have a GI specialist who again uses the phrase “special case” why are we always a special case?!?! Why is everything so difficult. Who knows but we March on. Ok so back to this poop. Yes why yes would be awesome some Miralax and everyother day have bowel movement.. great.

Nope not in this house. When we go out..we go all out. We are lucky.. and I emphasize “lucky” if Zeq has a bowel movement once a month. Yep you heard me once a month. So large that you cant even fathom. We get a warning of some sort of. We hear…mom…… my chest hurts..and you know within two days it’s coming.

Most think this is the most amazing yet odd fact about Zeq, but nope it is not. You will hear more stories that make your jaw drop.

So yes we do have GI, she has no idea what to do. Could we do a colon cleanse drip in the hospital?! Sure we could.. 8 days with a constant drip and breathing tube down his throat. That is out of question. Next a nurse steps in. How about a gluten free diet?!?! Sure why the heck not?!?! Well let me tell you.. and everyone else you try and change an autistic childs diet and let me know how that goes for you. Because I for one have no want to even explore that option. Next hey why don’t you just add fiber you know, plums, fiber gums, whole wheat..?!?! Again you wanna try to right ahead, because that is not a fight worth having, Zeq would give up eating first, and meltdowns would be every hour on the hour. So the option we really have… laxative and stool softeners added to his daily medicine routine. Does it work some months maybe a tiny bit. Most months not at all.

So you know how you feel after you are constipated for a few days? How you feel full how you feel like your gonna explode?.

Imagine life that way for 13 years, getting up everyday and living your life going to school, laying down just trying to get comfortable.

To go or not to go…8/15/18

That is always the question around here.  Most times the answer is not to go..

Imagine yourself about to make dinner only to find you ran out of milk. No problems grab the kids, grab the keys, quick trip to the grocery store. Grab your milk and back at the house to fix your dinner. End of story, end of day, all is well.

Now imagine our life. Out of milk..oh shit. Walk up stairs, tell Zeq hey let’s go we have to run to the store. Why?.. I’m doing something, I don’t want to go. Do i have to go? Why do we have to go? Finally 20 minutes we are down the stairs. Lord please let his shoes feel ok, his shirt fit right. Ok mom got my phone ready to go. Whew.. walking out the door. Most peoples first thought.. did I grab my keys and wallet? Our first thought please God don’t let it be raining, or be hot.

Good get into the car..mind you 40 minutes later. One of three things will happen… 1. Make it to store grab this milk unscathed or 2. Sweat beads hit his forehead and rage ensues(he hates clothes, and hates to sweat) or 3. Another personality joins our car ride and the follow story happens.

In the car buckled up ready to go.. car gets on to the road.. rage begins, meltdown of epic proportions. I want to go home. Let me out this car(while pulling the handle) I’m sweating, pulling fistfuls of hair, get it off of me. No we don’t turn around. Again let me out I need out. Starts beating his fists against the window. I get his hands. (The voice who is speaking is not my normal 13 year old.) I think all is safe.. I let go. Mind you I’m in the passenger seat. So I let go. Then the rest ensues beating his head against the window, in which something happens his mouth starts bleeding. Get it off of me, in turn both hands go into his mouth and he is ripping apart his mouth because of blood. I finally restrain his hands, but this doesn’t stop his mouth.  Spitting blood everywhere, why do you hate me, you dont care if I die, this seat belt is choking me, I suffocating, you don’t care, Zeq is stupid he says. Restraint last until his body releases, I feel him melt. I then know it is safe to release his hands. Sweat pouring from both of us, exhausted to say the least. He wipes his nose, looks at it and then me. I hear the voice of my 13 year old ask why is his nose dripping.  Also hear hey mom you want to play idle miner with me, you think we could get ice cream? Hey mom you wanna look at toys. All the while not knowing the tornado that just passed through our car.

What feels like a lifetime later, pull into the store and I think please lord just let it not be busy, let no one try and talk to him let us get this milk and make it home in one piece.

So get milk, back in car, make it home thank you thank you thank you. 4 hours later can start this dinner.

That’s the difficulty of our everyday life. That’s the difficulty Zeq has. Whether sweat and clothes become that uncontrollable that it paralyzes you. Or whether you have another personality join you for the ride and either reek havoc as this one did or as others who have joined us such as a toddler repeats every word 500 times the whole way there and back.

Things come and go so quickly in Zeqs head and body that one second it is ok, and the next is world war 3.

So simple task of running to the store, requires planning and a lot of patience.

I know what your thinking just don’t go?!?! That’s not always an option, we live as normal of a life as we can. Things have to be done, we have to go places, and life does not stop. We deal with it as gracefully as possible.

So next time you run real quick to the store imagine life if you couldn’t. Imagine our adventure, or the other’s lives out there that is not so simple for.